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Crawling
Linkin Park
Sam Winchester x Reader
Requested; Brijasmine (wattpad)

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real


You were a hunter goddammit not some kind of caretaker, yet while Sam Winchester was sick Dean decided to just drop him up at your apartment and leave. He was currently passed out on your couch with a fever 100.2. You were standing next to the couch glaring down at him, even though he was passed out he seemed to shift uncomfortable under your stare. He groaned in pain.
“Do you have any Advil?” Sam asked softly.
“Give me a minute.”

There’s something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling. I can’t seem…


You walked into the small kitchen and looked around the medicine cabinet. You found the Advil bottle and shook it. It was empty.
“(y/n)…” Sam groaned. You muttered a rainbow of cuss words under your breath and shut the cabinet. You walked back over to Sam and kneeled next to him and pressed your hand against his forehead.
“Sam, I’m out of Advil and I could go get some-“
“No.” He put his hands on your face. Your eyes widened. “Have I ever told you how pretty you are?”
“Okay, you’re out of it, I’m going to see if there’s some other medication you could take.” Sam’s hand slid down from your face and held your hand as you got up. You pulled your hand away, which resulted in a sad sound coming from Sam.

To find myself again
My walls are closing in
Without a sense of confidence and I’m convinced that there’s just too much pressure to take
I’ve felt this way before
So insecure


You walked into the kitchen again. This time you sat on the counter. Your heart pounding and your mind racing. Pretty? You continued to deny what you said; it must be because he’s sick, yes. He’s sick that’s it,
“Do you want some soup?” You holler, so he can hear you.
“Yes, please.” You start pulling out ingredients and set a pot on the stove.

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real


You pull out your favorite Halloween mug and pour some of the chicken noodle soup and brought it to Sam. You set it on the coffee table.
“Come on, Sam, you have to sit up.” You grab his arms and helped him sit up. He sighed. His hair was a mess, which you thought was adorable.
“What kind of soup?” His brown eyes were red. He scratched the back of his neck.
“Homemade chicken noodle soup. It’s the best cure for when you’re sick.” You said with a smug smile. You were proud most times you tried to cook you end up burning it or ruining it somehow.  He brought the mug to his mouth and took a big sip and then made a face. “No! I followed the recipe perfect!” You took the mug from him and took a generous sip. “That’s disgusting.” You said putting it down. Sam laughed.
“It isn’t that bad.” He grabbed a tissue and sneezed.
“Look, it made you sicker.” You said. You both laughed.

Discomfort endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting, reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It’s haunting how I can’t seem…


“I think I have a Chinese takeout menu somewhere, if you’d like that. I know they make edible soup.” He smiled.
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“I’ll take that as a complement.” You got up and dug around your takeout drawer. You were just happy he was lucid. You found the menu. “What do you want?”
“Egg drop soup.” Sam said. He got up and grabbed a blanket.
“That all?”
“Chicken and Chinese vegetables.”
“That’s what I get, I never finish one we’ll just split it, that okay?”
“Yeah, that’s fine.”

To find myself again
My walls are closing in
Without a sense of confidence and I’m convinced that there’s just too much pressure to take
I’ve felt this way before
So insecure


You ordered the meal and they told you thirty minutes. You sat back down on the couch.
“We have thirty minutes to kill.” You looked at him. He was looking a little better from earlier.
“We could start a movie?” Sam suggested. You shrugged. You got up and looked at your movie collection.
“I have, The Avengers, Rock of Ages, The Hobbit, Whit Collar wait that’s a show-“
“The Hobbit sounds good.” You nodded in agreement.

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real


You two started the movie. You felt Sam move his arm around you, but right on cue the doorbell rang. You jumped up and grabbed your wallet, walking to the door. Exchanging the money for the food. You stopped at the kitchen to grab some forks and spoons. You walked back to the couch. Smiling you put the food on the coffee table. Sam rubbed his hands together and opened up the crab rangoon container. And picked one up and stuffed the whole thing into his mouth.
“I see someone’s feeling much better.” You said with a smile. Sam smiled and nodded his head.
“It must have been your magic soup.” He said through his mouth full. You laughed.

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real


You both laid on the couch and relaxed. You were leaning against Sam. Sam’s arm had found it’s way back around you. It was a sweet gesture.
“Hey, (y/n) I really do like you. I know you don’t think you’re pretty, but you are. You are beautiful, smart; you’re very cocky, but still. You are a great hunter. You’re awesome and I love you.”

There’s something inside me that pulls beneath the surface consuming,
Confusing what is real.
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending controlling,

She pinned Sam down and kissed him.
“I love you, too and swear to god if I get sick because of this I’ll kill you.”

Confusing what is real.
Crawling Sam Winchester x Reader. A request I got on wattpad, enjoy. 
Supernatural doesn't belong to me (boy do I wish it did)
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:iconcasandbands:
casandbands Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2017
Rock of ages and the hobbit are to of my favorite movies I love this so much
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:icondeterminedpasta413:
DeterminedPasta413 Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2016
crAAAWWWWLLLIIIIINNGG IIIIINNNNN MMYYYYYYY SSKKKIIIIIIIIIIIIINNN
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:iconstarwarsnerd101:
StarWarsNerd101 Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2016  Student General Artist
But you kinda need to work on your writing, but hey!  Practice make perfect! :D  Try to detail it a bit more and make the sentences longer.  Me, when I write I use formality to make my sentences longer ( although I haven't wrote in a really long time so that's probably bad for me ).  I've learned that formality helps stretch out the sentences and makes the story ( believe it or not ) more interesting.  I've learned from my mistakes with writing ( I've been writing stories since I was like 8 ) and it's helped me in the long run.  

But it's great, as far as all that goes, I love the idea for this story and I'm kinda glad it ain't like most of those x reader stories where it goes directly to sex, instead just some sappy stuff like kissing and talking.  Good luck! 

May the Force be with you! ( I love Star Wars XD )
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:iconstarwarsnerd101:
StarWarsNerd101 Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2016  Student General Artist
Nice, but if that were me, and he said " I love you " To me, I'd probably punch him and say, " I barely know you! " and then hit him again.  
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:iconmayeangel8:
mayeangel8 Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2016  Student Writer
I like the story idea, I think you should definitely keep writing.
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:iconart3mis254:
art3mis254 Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2015
WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS
WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS
WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS
WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS


*CUE TERRIBLE OFF PITCH SINGING*
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:icontreblechase:
TrebleChase Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I just clicked this out of curiosity, I had no intention of coming across an incredibly heated discussion. Why must we argue? Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Honestly you all could just leave it at that. Why are you all fighting with each other? 
Maybe 
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:iconartemisfowl11:
ArtemisFowl11 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Trust me I'm sick of all these messages in my inbox from blacky91. It's really annoying and hateful and it's one of the reason I've stopped writing. 
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:icontreblechase:
TrebleChase Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
If you post anymore Spn stuff I'll happily read it for you! You know if you take up writing again.
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:iconartemisfowl11:
ArtemisFowl11 Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! But I probably wont be writing anymore SPN, but I have other SPN stories already posted. 
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:icontreblechase:
TrebleChase Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh okay. :3
:minimoose: 
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:iconcronaandtsubaki:
cronaandtsubaki Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
I love this! Thank you so much for writing it! You are awesome! :3
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:iconanimepower18:
animepower18 Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2014  Student Digital Artist
This is... AWESOME!!!Nyaruko (Otakuing with eros) [V1] 
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:iconartemisfowl11:
ArtemisFowl11 Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
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:iconanimepower18:
animepower18 Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Your welcome my friend!!Bunny Emoji-38 (Cutie) [V2] 
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:iconblacky91:
blacky91 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
When I saw the name of the story I thought 'Hm, maybe I can read this to my best friend. She likes Linkin Park and Sam... it might be entertaining.'
When I read the first three lines I already started to regret that.
This story is terrible, the writing is even worse than the story.
The entire fanfiction has absolutely NOTHING to do with the song and a lot of parts inside the story made me think that you honestly have no idea what you're talking about.
I'll give some examples in a line or two, because first I also want to point out you need to work on your writing. Your sentences are terrifyingly short, there is absolutely no details whatsoever; no reader would even remotely feel 'in the scene' because well... there isn't any scene.
The story is like a stage with no background, one object -like a couch or a seat- and the actors... Anyway I think that just about sums it up; there are more things I could say but then I'd never get done honestly; now the parts where I thought you really had no idea what you were on about:

-The chicken soup scene; chicken soup... is hot as all hell... NO MAN OR WOMAN would be able to even smell it without burning their nostrils up to 15-20 minutes after it's done cooking- especially homemade chicken soup, soups out of cans aren't that bad but homemade chicken noodle soup can burn your house down if you spill it.

-When someone has a fever that high and are 'passed out' they will most definitely not feel like sitting up, cuddling or kissing... they'd be telling you to get away from them because you know... they're uncomfortably warm? And From the span of time given no one would even remotely recover from a fever that had them unconscious just a few minutes ago...

And this one I'm not sure if it's just a lack of detail or a lack of perception when it comes to time but I do believe it's more the first: "You two started the movie. You felt Sam move his arm around you, but right on cue the doorbell rang." From the time you decided to watch the movie, put it in and he wrapped his arm around you -as he probably wouldn't do because of the above reason- there is no way thirty minutes past. All you'd have to add is 'part way through the movie' or something like that.
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:iconmegstielshipper:
MegstielShipper Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2014
This is extremely offensive sure if it's bad or not great you can say something but your suppose to be fucking nice about it not act like a heartless twat.

the story is fine if you don't like it then don't comment unless your gonna say something nice or be nice about giving advice. People write stories differently, it doesn't always have to have something to do with the lyrics so screw off if your gonna try and hurt the Writers feelings, think about someone saying this to you about your shit and don't say 'I wouldn't care' cause you would so next time be more fucking nice and think about others feelings.
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:iconblacky91:
blacky91 Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
How about no? There's no point in sugarcoating shit, in the end it's still just a pile of crap with a whole lot of sprinkles on it.
And I wasn't even THAT offensive, seriously I could have done a lot worse... I was being polite given the story I read
and FYI a song-fic SHOULD actually have something to do WITH the song you picked... otherwise it's all just a load of nonsense with some fancy lyrics added that have.... absolutely nothing to do with anything... what is the point of writing about I don't know... being the happiest girl alive and then using lyrics like Numb from Linkin park which obviously is a depressing/sad/angry song... just write the one-shot without the lyrics then otherwise it's all just stupid and useless
OR marketing... like with this, I saw 'Crawling' and thought 'Hey awesome, linkin park song-fic' and was utterly disappointed because the lyrics had nothing to do with the story.
So either the writer is seriously clueless about even semi-proper writing or they simply try to get those few extra views by using lyrics of popular songs
Both is simply pathetic and a utter waste of time.
Honestly I am surprised they didn't get more hate on this story but fangirls/boys are like that... they don't give a flying toss about how good the story actually is as long as they get some OOC bullshit to drool and squeal over.
It's sad to see the world of awesome things getting ruined because of brain dead fans that can't tell the difference between a REAL monster and a bloody vegetarian fairy named Edward Cullen.
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:iconnarkotika718:
NARKOTIKA718 Featured By Owner May 6, 2014  Student General Artist
I hope you know not all fans are brain dead, just a small portion might be stupid. It's the stupid ones who make others think the whole fandom is stupid and the thing that is being fanned over is also.

It's pretty easy to tell the difference between a monster and Edward Cullen.
Cullen sparkles.

What counts in this story is content. Yes, the grammar is terrible, and Crawling has nothing to do with this story.
But you need to point out the good and not just the bad. The idea was great, but it would have been best if Writer-chan had gotten someone to revise her story. For example, someone who knows Crawling well. You can include things they could have done better, like adding some conflict. Having Reader-chan be very insecure, more than is implied in the story. Or show more of her thoughts, like an unknown rage simmering inside Reader-chan for Dean leaving Sam behind.

Yes, Sam and Dean were both out of character. Dean would have not left Sam unless it was a dyer circumstance. 
To fix this sort of thing, you would have to add much more background knowledge between the Winchesters and Reader-chan.
But in some stories, the character of choice would have to be out of character. For example, Belarus from Axis Powers: Hetalia. For any story to work out with her (or him in the case of the Nyo! Universe) paired with reader or anyone other than Russia, she would have to be out of character. Because she has a severe obsession with her big brother Russia.

The message I'm trying to get across is that you can't just point out the bad in people and things. It's the same with most predatory animals and people. Many people think wolves and predators are bad because all some people point out is the bad. When in reality, if we didn't have wolves and other predators, we would be overwhelmed by the deer(and the like's) population.

So, please. Don't only point out the bad. Point out a little good too.
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:iconmegstielshipper:
MegstielShipper Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2014
Once again your being harsh and offensive so fuck off if you want a proper story go to the fucking library instead of shedding your terrible pissy moods all over the internet no-one gives a fuck now go away cause you ain't got anything nice to say. That's the whole point you have to sugar coat it so it ain't mean and it's not pathetic or crap it's fine it may not be AMAZING like Harry potter books but it's not as shit as the Host so it's fine it's just normal and everyone likes it except you, your also admitting to giving it hate you couldn't say this to the writers face so your being a bitch sittin behind a screen with a keyboard. Tut tut.
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:iconblacky91:
blacky91 Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
... Oh my god how old are you? 5?
And I told you why 'everyone' likes it... because they're all just drooling fans who don't  care about quality.
On top of that I was in a good mood when I wrote that, I'm also not really bitchy I'm just an honest person, which seems to  be one bitter pill people can't swallow, especially little girls and boys who think they're the best and their artwork/story/etc. is the best thing in the world when in reality it could use a lot of work to make it better.
Also I commented on their work and said I didn't like it, gave reasons as to why I didn't and what they could have done better so yeah actually I did say it to their face -.-' As best I could, if I knew where this person lived and I lived near by I'd tell them face-to-face.. I'm not afraid of actual confrontations it's just a bit hard when everyone lives in america and I'm stuck in Germany.
I would also like to add I'm not actually a big reader, I'm more of a writer personally, I'm not even a Sam fangirl, I chose to read this story because my best friend is and she loves hearing stories, but she after this she actually told me to not read her any more fanfiction for a while because her ears got cancer. I actually see where she's coming from there, my eyes got cancer from reading this.
And I never expect things to be as good as what I 'could' get at a bookshop or read in a library, my stuff is far from being that good too I can admit that, I'm not professional, I'm a hobbiest and somewhere between amateur and semi-good in writing.
So I already lowered the bar for fanfiction -actually for anything I find on the web written by people who never studied how to write professionally- and there are quite a few I like... sure they have their mistakes, everything does but there are some things so crappy that I can't even comment on them. I'm not joking, there are four fanfictions of SN I read on DeviantArt that are SO bad I was close to having nightmares... so actually me commenting shows it's not even in the endless pit of fangirl/boy nonsense, it's actually a bit above that... so it's not great, but it could be worse.
In fact if the writer had ONLY -seriously just this ONE thing- concentrated more on the context of the lyrics this fanfic probably wouldn't have been so bad that I'd comment on it.
Or just pointed out that there are quite a few spelling errors... which shouldn't happen when you write or copy your writing into any deviantart application that allows you to do that, it shows you what words you mispelled...
I wish they had a system like Fanfiction.com or fos-ff.net who read your stories first and if there are too many grammar mistakes they decline it. Sure they accept crap but at least it's crap I can read without constantly having to re-read a sentence because it makes no sense and I'm trying to figure out what the writer is trying to tell me

PS: Science has proven that people who sugarcoat things are actually the biggest liars and the ones who cuss a lot or are blunt most often are quite truthful. So honestly? I'm not offended by you saying I'm mean for not throwing unicorn shaped rainbow sprinkles on steaming piles of manure, because you're basically just saying I'm a very truthful person.
Sure I could express myself a little more politely, I'll give you that point, but in the end I'd be saying the same things; I am simply blunt about it and as long as I don't throw the F-word in every sentence or other vulgar expressions as every second word I still am being rather polite, well spoken and professional about my opinion.
But what do I know? I'm just a 'troll' for actually telling the truth that people can't handle because they're little cry babies who can only accept good commentary and throw a bitch fit when anyone doesn't like the stuff they make.
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:iconnarkotika718:
NARKOTIKA718 Featured By Owner May 6, 2014  Student General Artist
Please don't joke about cancer like that. Cancer is a really serious thing and a bad problem.
I've had several people die in the past year from cancer that I was pretty close to. And two of the people that died were the people that I could go to to get away from all the stress in life, even for a little while.
Cancer sucks and it hurts like hell.
Please don't joke about things that can get terminal like that.
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:iconblacky91:
blacky91 Featured By Owner May 8, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm just going to ignore your other comment because if there WAS good to point out... I would have done so... I always point out good and bad things...
Also don't be so uptight.
I didn't really 'joke about cancer' either, it's not funny. No illness is funny but the best medicine is always humor. So don't see the world so grim, it's not all black and white, even illnesses such as cancer are not just there to be wept over at every corner... well yes actually they are, cancer is absolutely horrible and my heart is with all of those who do suffer from it and their families, but they don't sit around moping.
They enjoy the good things in life and 'I nearly got eye cancer from this.' is simply a saying these days to address bad things.
It's not a way to make fun of it... it's just a saying...
Like 'Someone jumped on my grave.'. I'm not going to go around being a stick in the mud because people used the word 'grave'... stop doing that, it's not fun for anyone and no one likes it.
If you don't like what you read or here I will not tell you to just ignore it but let other people do what they do and either take 'jokes' like that with a pinch of salt or seriously just sip your tea or beer and ignore it.
It's what I do when I hear things I don't think are ok to say or do. I either ignore it or I see the funny in it, but take it with a pinch of salt.
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:iconnarkotika718:
NARKOTIKA718 Featured By Owner May 20, 2014  Student General Artist
I've never heard that phrase used before, and I'm not moping. I don't mope, mostly because I don't get really emotional about things. I try to lighten things up or change the subject most of the time. I've heard the phrase "I was nearly blinded by..." but never a  phrase with the word cancer. I usually take things lightly, but cancer, suicide, cutting, and things like that I don't. It's just some things. I'm happy to know that you're with the people who have suffered and their families. 
For me, I don't find humor in serious things. (Like cancer, suicide, cutting, et cetera.)

Have we come to an understanding? Because I don't really like arguing too much.
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(2 Replies)
:iconcoffee75:
Coffee75 Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2014
Woah there, you seriously need to chill...
If you don't like fanfiction just don't read it. It wasn't written to please you. I mean, you could just say that you don't like it and let it go. There's no need to throw a bitch fit.
And its not like you HAVE to be a professional writer to write a story. That was a really pathetic point.
And if you think the deviantart system is so crappy, why are you reading fanfiction on this site?
And eye cancer from reading a story? That's a bit far-fetched even for sarcasm purposes.
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:iconblacky91:
blacky91 Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
*sighs* for demons sake....
1. I wasn't throwing a bitch fit... In fact I didn't once say anything to bitch but whatever you guys just make your own opinions.
2. Don't write me when you can't even properly understand the points I was trying to make
3. Keep out of thus, this has nothing to do with you and as you can see I've had my fair share of people sticking their nose where it doesn't belong 
4. Yes now I'm being a bit bitchy because of people like you.
i thank you and I'm glazed you wrote it in a mature manner which is why I'm trying to do it too but if people keep commenting on stuff that has nothing to even REMOTELY do with them, their work or their life is really starting to put a knot in my panties.
in case you haven't noticed my comment was written 2 months ago...actually a bit more than that now that I think about it... Anyway if anything this is between me and artemisfowl11, not between me and every single SN fan out there.
in future I will ignore any comment that comes to my comment -not yours just generally- and I replied to you because you were polite in your comment and thought I'd extend the courtesy. It's hard to find a fan who doesn't take statements that aren't aimed at him personal and start acting like 5 year olds who's mom didn't give them enough breast milk as a baby... So again thank you for being polite and restoring so e mild faith in the world of any fandom. :)
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:iconbrijasmine:
brijasmine Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Student General Artist
I like it and I'm happy that I requested it. It was well written.
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:iconblacky91:
blacky91 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
If that's your opinion, then good for you. It's good that you're happy with the result.
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:iconbrijasmine:
brijasmine Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Student General Artist
I hope I don't seem to be coming off as rude(which I'm not).
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:iconblacky91:
blacky91 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No, actually you're about the only polite person that has replied to me here.
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:iconbrijasmine:
brijasmine Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Student General Artist
Ok. :)
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:iconartemisfowl11:
ArtemisFowl11 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for all the negative feedback, but last time I checked this is my story and it wasn't requested by you, so next time you actually think your opinion matters to me, think again, you insensitive prick. 
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:iconblacky91:
blacky91 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You know the only thing I could reply to this would be nothing but insulting, so instead of acting like a 5 year old and throwing insults about for no true reason, I will simply not give you a reply to your comment.
But how about this: If you went into a bookshop and bought a book written like your story would you actually keep it?
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:iconthespnforeverfan:
thespnforeverfan Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2014
Blacky91 would you kindly fuck off? I thought the story was amazing and everyone has different writing styles. There's no need to be rude, okay? The fandom has to stick together, we are family. Please think before you comment. 
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:iconblacky91:
blacky91 Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ok, I gave it a lot of thought and I decided you are full of BS. We are NOT a family, just because I like Supernatural doesn't mean I'm part of this stupid 'family'. I'm just a fan with her own opinions and expectations of fanwork and this was 'not' amazing, no matter how much you think it was. It just kind of goes with the point I've been trying to make a lot of times and it seems that only intellectual people actually understand what I'm trying to say.
I will not 'fuck off' either, because I am more than allowed to express my opinion and trust me, I was being 'far' from rude... THAT was still polite compared to the things I could have said that may or may not have actually portrayed my opinion on this a little better. So, say what you will, my opinion will not sway, I do not care about your opinion on things and I will never, ever consider myself part of this family... I'd be too ashamed to admit it and would probably stop watching Supernatural if being a fan automatically makes me whatever it is you fans call yourselves...
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:iconreckless202:
Reckless202 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014
Okay, first of all, your whole rant was completely uncalled for and very rude. If you actually thought about the lyrics and how they tied into the next sentence, you would find out that those lyrics actually made sense.

"To find myself again
My walls are closing in
Without a sense of confidence and I’m convinced that there’s just too much pressure to take
I’ve felt this way before
So insecure

You walked into the kitchen again. This time you sat on the counter. Your heart pounding and your mind racing. Pretty? You continued to deny what he had said."
^^That doesn't make sense? The reader feels insecure about herself, and Sam calling her pretty made her feel like he didn't mean it because she felt ugly or something.
And second, it doesn't matter if there is barely any detail at all, it's the imagination and creativity to understand what's going on actually pay attention to figure it out.

Basically, don't think you can say this lacks a great amount of detail for a FAN STORY that ISN'T a legit novel.
It's not very mature to rap on someones writing if it's a fanfiction :/
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:iconblacky91:
blacky91 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ok first of all it was not a 'rant' it was critique. If you are unsure what a rant is please take a look at this link: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monologu… it will explain 'ranting' (aka. monologing) in full detail.
I gave my opinion and I was not rude about it. In fact that was actually really polite. I find it funny that whenever I tell someone their writing isn't good I'm automatically a 'rude' person...

And for your other point... that has... absolutely nothing to do with the song whatsoever... yeah yeah 'it depends on how you take it' Yeah I get that but really? "I'm a bit insecure" has nothing to do with finding yourself again... the song is not directly about insecurity but actually about a person disguising themselves as someone else and in the end finding themselves again and casting off their charade. It CAN be taken as 'insecurity' about yourself... but thinking you're ugly -which is actually not properly mentioned she just doesn't think she's 'pretty'- isn't... really what the song is about, but whatever.
I'll 'give' you that point... but that would be like... the only part of the entire fanfiction that would 'kinda' fit with the song.

To your last point, just because it's fanfiction doesn't mean it has the right not to be written well. Even fanfiction deserves to be written in a professional manner with details, less annoyingly repetitive words (like saying 'hand' three times in one sentence...) and so forth.
Fanfiction is NOT a damn excuse to write crap and claim it's ok... I can understand not everyone is a Stephen King, I'm not expecting perfect stories, but when I read something- be it a poem, a fanfiction or a novel- I want to actually 'feel' something about the story?
You don't need to explain everything but give SOME detail so a person actually knows what the heck is going on. It doesn't necessarily have to be about the surroundings. It can be enough -if you do it cleverly- to only really describe physical feelings and emotions.

There is enough crappy fanfiction out there, some are so horrible I couldn't even give critique, i never would have known where to start; so count yourself lucky I was even able to give some here, which means it's better than some I read, but still not good. It's friendly advice, take it or well... yeah oh well.
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:iconkittykatluvur777:
kittykatluvur777 Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I truly don't want to be rude, ( and this may have errors because im on a phone) but if the writer wanted a critque she would've put that as an option when she posted the deviation. There is always room for improvement, yes, but even if you don't believe you can sugar coat your opinion, please just use slightly kinder synonyms to your adjectives and maybe people wouldn't think the comment/ critique was rude and the author could more easily condider your suggestions seriously
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:iconblacky91:
blacky91 Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
If you're not a premium member you can't ask for critiques unless you put it in the description which most people ignore anyway.
To be fair I CAN sugar coat it, I know I can... but I might as well just say "ermagurd so kawaii! *drool*' because that's about just as honest as putting rainbow sprinkles on a pile of manure... but it doesn't matter how I word things, people always assume I'm just being rude -.-'
And over the years I learned to just give it to them bluntly, either they take it for what it is or they start bitching like a five year old... like in this case.
I gave her my opinion and yes I can admit that i can be rude sometimes, but in all honesty? I think people who get offended should be offended. If they don't like the way I word things then they can also just be the bigger man/woman and simply ignore the comment.
I gave my opinion, after that it's up to them what they do with it.
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:iconkittykatluvur777:
kittykatluvur777 Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Sorry, i didn't remember that if you weren't a premium member you couldn't request critiques. I havent posted up a deviation in a while. And choosing kinder synonyms isn't exactly pouring rainbows on it but people have different opinions on what the wdfects are and i'll try to respect that. Though it wS good to place your opinion blunt, and more people got offended than intended, it really wasn't my problem sorry
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:iconblacky91:
blacky91 Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No need to apologize... actually it's nice to have someone take it calmly haha
But like I said, she would have gotten offended one way or another, it doesn't matter how I put that her story was really bad, she would have thrown a hissy fit... it's sad but true.
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:iconkittykatluvur777:
kittykatluvur777 Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks. And it is sad, but people get offended and defensive easily so assessing the argument calmly tries to calm the person getting offended and still has the point across.
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(1 Reply)
:iconreckless202:
Reckless202 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014
Now that you cleared it up, I can understand the point you're coming from. But critiques are meant to be friendly (well, sometimes) and give out tips and pointers to create a better fanfiction in the future! Not say "This story sucked so much you're lucky I'm nice and oh, you're a horrible writer because you can't give enough detail". Who cares! Artemis wanted to post something she probably felt really iffy about posting and knows the ups and downs that will come with it, but for you to come to her story and say she can't write for the life of her in a long "critique" and say she's basically better off not writing at all probably made her feel horrible! Didi you think about how that probably affected her? I'm guessing not because then you wouldn't have posted the "critique" at all!
Oh, and I know what a good critique is to a downright rude one is, thank you very much.

Next time you see something you don't like, just ignore it and move on, not bring others down!!
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:iconblacky91:
blacky91 Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yes, friendly and mine was. I wasn't really being rude -I can admit, some things I said can be taken as 'rude' but that would depend on how you interpret it. Obviously you took what I said the wrong way which happens a lot so I'm not really mad about it... nor do I care honestly because the comment wasn't even aimed at you but whatever tickles your fancy- and I DID give pointers. My main two points being: a little more detail and make the song fit better with the fanfic

I could have given more but I'd hate to overwhelm people who are obviously amateur writers. Everyone starts small, my fanfiction used to be crap too, I can admit that but thanks to critique like the one I gave I actually improved.
She can take it or ignore it, I really don't give a fuck and for that point the first thing Artemis did was insult me... so yeah she was 'absolutely hurt and devistated by my comment'

PS: You're a complete hypocrite, if you don't like my comment just ignore it and move on.
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:iconreckless202:
Reckless202 Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014
I am, and I'd like to apologize, but please, for the feelings of all beginner writers, try and at least re-read your comment and make sure it doesn't come off as rude. Before you jump to conclusions and say something like "Oh! But they aren't rude!" You need to think about how others will take your "not rude critique" and maybe put in apologies or at least some sign of encouragment instead of being so straighforward with no apologies?
P.S Come to think of it, you're a little bit hypocritical here too, considering you decided to write the comment in the first place of something you could've ignored :/
p.S.s That was a bit hypocritical of me here but still, I think I make a fairly decent point in my opinion...
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:iconblacky91:
blacky91 Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No.
I've tried sugar coating the truth, trust me it doesn't work. Straight forward tends to be the best approach, if they see it as rude that is too bad for them because I am not a rude person unless the person is rude to me first.
If they actually get 'upset' about what someone says ONLINE then... they are beyond help anyway honestly.
re:PS: nope, because I don't go by those rules. You're the one who said it, I never said I should or want to ignore things I dislike.
re:PSS: and you do. I may not share your opinion but I also can't deny that it's only half-decent. It's actually a good point, but sometimes people -like me- just... don't care -not in a rude way just in a really mellow way- I accept your opinion as it is. You are neither wrong or right, just as my opinion is neither wrong nor right, we're both right in our own way and also wrong... I mean seriously, there will always be someone who disagrees with you, you can never make everyone happy^^ (in fact sometimes people will simply disagree and change their original opinion just to NOT share it with whomever they might share it with...)
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:iconreckless202:
Reckless202 Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014
Well, now that we've come to an agreement I hope this can all end :) I also respect your opinion and hope this can all be a thing of the online-past.
^^
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:iconartemisfowl11:
ArtemisFowl11 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for defending me. 
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:iconreckless202:
Reckless202 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014
No problem dear, that was just a horrible thing for her to do! I honestly loved your story very much, so I'm looking forward to seeing more! :)
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:iconartemisfowl11:
ArtemisFowl11 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks!
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